Blogpires, or: $100 bucks worth of flash and paint pots that don't stay open.

Yes, dear readers, it is Blood Bowl time again. Frank somehow convinced/reminded me that I like Blood Bowl, and -more importantly- challenged me to a match. As you probably already know, page 31 of the newest Competition Rules states that a declined challenge counts as a 2-0 win for the challenger. Since Frank has never beaten me at anything, ever, I felt that a de facto concession would be a rather weak way to end that streak. Thus:

A brand new Blood Bowl team. Also pictured: Comic books, Magic cards, baseball cards, and a Tootsie Roll coin bank. Jesus.

I decided to go with Vampires.
While I'm not particularly good at Blood Bowl, I always gravitate towards the not-so-good races. I like that not many people play Vamps, to put it plainly. I also like the GW-range models. I know there are some sites like Impact! that make some fine 'Fantasy Football' models (*wink*), but I've never owned an 'official' Blood Bowl squad before -that is, a team of 100% Blood Bowl models, not hacked up clanrats like my last team- and the idea excited me.

When my special gentleman [girlfriend's note: It IS ok to call them 'special gentlemen'.] arrived today, I was, duh, elated! The only thing more exciting than mail is mail order GW stuff. And the only thing more exciting than mail order GW stuff is MAIL ORDER BLOOD BOWL! I tore open the box, popped the little clamshell lid off the inner packaging... and remembered how pewter models looked 10 years ago, when these were forged by 6 year olds. If you -like me- have failed to realize how much better GW has gotten at molding over the past decade, let me remind you: A guy from 2002 is less like a vampire, and more like a sea urchin of flash. The models weren't warped at all, really, but it took about 2 hours with my hobby files to get them clean enough to spray.

BUT, you probably didn't come here for a process report on Blood Bowl guys (Step 1, file flash. Step 2, glue to bases). What makes for a much more interesting read is a process report on actually playing Blood Bowl. Online. On Fumbbl. Between horrible luck, immaculate luck, and in-between luck where I lose because of low skill, I've learned a few things about this team. Because Fumbbl's automated matchmaker (The 'Blackbox') takes racial strength into account, I've matched up with other Vampire teams quite a few times - Vampires aren't a fair game against many other teams at equal Team Value. What jumped out at me in the mirror matches, was that NO ONE PLAYS THE WAY I DO. This seems bad. I lose lots, they win lots, I'm probably wrong. Most vamp coaches roll with the Blood Lust 1's, and simply put the hurt on the most convenient thrall. I, instead, re-roll Blood Lust 1's automatically, unless I have a really good reason not to, such as a last-chance blitz on the ballcarrier later in the turn.* People seem to treat thralls the way Undead treat zombies: worthless, replaceable speed bumps. I tend to treat them like, you know, lineman. Which they are. You might be thinking that I'm overly protective of my crummiest guys, but that isn't it. From a development standpoint, I couldn't care less about thralls. They -like zombies- are cheap, bad, and unless they do something really special with their skill rolls, probably aren't your stars.

The way I see it, speedbumps or not, I *do* need them. Fielding 4 vamps by themselves with only 1-2 snacks on the field bums me out, and unlike zombies, thralls don't get back up. Between av7 and a healthy sprinkling of fouls, my second half team is usually pretty depleted. I guess, now that I'm thinking about it, I play vamps like a team with really good blitzers and really bad linemen. Most people play them like a team with REALLY good blitzers, and no linemen. If you're a veteran of Blood Bowl (especially Fumbbl), you've probably seen a Wood Elf team win with 2 Wardancers and 9 bodybags. This, I'm starting to suspect, is how vamps are supposed to be played. With Gaze, killer stats, and access to basically any skill, they can go anywhere, blitz anyone, and do a pretty decent Wardancer impression. Huh. Strategy: noted.

As far as development, I haven't gone too crazy with any of my guys. Blodge vamps (one pro!), wrestle on thralls (one dirty player!). Lots of re-rolls for Blood Lust, decent fan factor... the kind of balanced team that doesn't rely on any particular supah-star to win, and would probably be lethal in the hands of a more talented coach. Here's the final team sheet for the grudge match:

Oh man, that's pretty hard to read. I'm pretty bad at posting pictures. Mhmm.

Like I said: Pretty plain jane. Frank's team has a bit more flair, but it's, you know... and elf team. Some dodge. Some block. Some side step. Oh, and some leap. Frank loves leaping. I'll be sure to let you know how bad his guys got hurt after they fail their leaps.

"This team is terrible." -Everyone ever

He also has a kicker. I think it's a seriously underrated skill, and if I had more skilled thralls, I'd definitely have one. Getting to either pin back slow teams, or force quick teams to play at the LoS is a great advantage. I hope Frank doesn't realize this, and forgets to use it.

Well, there they are. Fairly even match, I think, between two severely underplayed teams. Should be fun. Especially the part where Frank cries. I do love when he cries.

So stay tuned, JaR heads! We'll have a match report up after I win, and I think Frank has a special treat for you all between now and then ;)