JAR Grudge Match Matchtacular: THE RESULTS!

So, we here at Just a Rhino have a pretty neat system set up here. First, we decide to meet up in the blinding terror of 'real life' instead of just being internet buddies. Then, we hype up the super-competitive board game we're going to play. Then, Frank loses.

Then it takes a month to post a match/battle report.

Well, here it is, because I bet you still give tons of craps about it: The results.


I won 3-1. Is that it? Can I go outside now? [Frank's Voice In My Head: No, jerkhole, finish the post!]

Awwww :(

Well, fine. Frank won the coin toss, and I set up my thralls on the LoS, with vamps on the flanks to defend against his wiley elf ways. I don't remember what silly crap Frank did on his first turn. Probably fail to pick up the ball. I bet he did, he always does that. Anyway, I fouled a random elf on my turn one with my star DP, Evan 'Long Bomb' Longoria.* Though he got sent off...

And I was made to put him in the 'shame cupboard'...

The result of the foul was a SERIOUS INJURY. Even in a one-off game, SI's hurt more. Everybody knows this.

The elf's body was too mangled to even fit in that casket.

Undaunted, Frank did some kind of 3-turn double cartwheel elf play, and I wasn't able to gaze/blitz enough receivers. 0-1, Elves.

Yeah, whatever, NoS is good on elves. Way to go.

With 4 turns to score before halftime, I knew I would need an edge. Something to keep my mind sharp, and bolster my confidence. Obviously, I needed VAMPIRE JUICE. Vampire juice, duh, is beer. Nosferatu, natch, from Great Lakes Brewery. Great Lakes makes some of the finest 30-dollar-a-case beer you'll find anywhere (though presumably more often near one of the Great Lakes). My favorite is the Dortmunder Gold, but Nosferatu seemed more appropriate for the situation. It's quite dark, and has that good, bitter aftertaste that lingers on your tongue. If you like dark beer, Nosferatu is a fine, affordable choice.

Frank's Voice in my Head: THIS ISN'T A BEER BLOG, WRITE ABOUT BLOOD BOWL!

Well maybe sometimes I wish it WAS a beer blog! Except you don't really like beer! Because you are terrible at Blood Bowl!

Er, right. The match. I wish I could 'punch it up' and act like I seriously outmaneuvered Frank, or made some key blocks that freed up my ballcarrier. What I actually did, though, was pass all my Blood Lust rolls and have a ST4 AG4 blodger walk through his elves. Since both our teams are forged in the fires of Fumbbl's Blackbox, we don't play against elves often. So neither team has any tackle or diving tackle. As such, blodgers rule.

Halftime, 1-1.

Halftime note: since it was nice out, Frank and I spent halftime in my back yard. The girls had done some lovely sidewalk art of my mascot (a kitty!). He was crying. Somehow, I don't have a picture of that. How are you supposed to do everything if you don't DO EVERYTHING, BECKY!?**

After a few non-vampire adult beverages - beer and Blood Bowl are fast friends- I was ready to take the pitch and receive the kickoff. This is where it gets sticky, writing-wise. You see, the thing I did in turns 4-8 of the first half... I just kept doing. I don't know how to write 'Passed Blood Lust, did not fall down' interestingly. But that's what I did. I scored with 3 turns left in the game. I knew his elves were fully capable of scoring in 3 turns, so I was a little worried about defense, and a potential overtime. Fortunately, Frank pulled off his true signature move: double 1's on a pickup roll. My flanker vamps took notice. I left a vamp back to hassle his receivers, and sent the rest sprinting towards the ball, passing Blood Lust and Go For It rolls all the way. Frank, this time, managed to snag the ball, but had nowhere to run with it. I slam-vamped into him and scored a turn 16 touchdown to seal it up.

Final score: 3-1, vampires.


*The fact that my Evan Longoria player is a DP doesn't imply that I think the real Longoria is at all 'dirty'. I, in fact, love the man. But a Rays-themed team still needs a DP, and he skilled up at the right (wrong?) time.

**Just a joke. Becky takes awesome pictures, and we never, ever thank her for it. I suppose I could take this opportunity to thank her right now, but....